Sunday, February 13, 2011
Soo...dating is not for everybody: The Grieving Process
Soo...dating is not for everybody: The Grieving Process: "My new lesson for today: In order to heal from something you must acknowledge the hurt. When you say it doesn't matter when someone hurts y..."
The Grieving Process
My new lesson for today: In order to heal from something you must acknowledge the hurt. When you say it doesn't matter when someone hurts you, you are pretending that the injury never happened. You are saying that it never existed, good or bad...You can not go through the grieving process if you deny or ignore that there was pain.
The funny or not so funny thing is that only people close to you can hurt you. Only people you love can cause you such deep pain. You/I have to allow myself to work through the pain to arrive at the other side. Otherwise it is just covered up and the pain,hurt,anxiety raises its ugly head when ever it choses.
I once loved a man more than I loved myself. I did everything that I could think of to make him happy and to give him a better life. I learned that the only person that I can change is myself. The only person that I can give totally acceptance to is myself. I learned that love is only a gift if its accepted. Last but surely not least I have learned that you have to love yourself before you can accept love or give love to anyone else. Can't give what you don't have right?
I did love you. The slow dieing of our relationship did hurt. And saying good bye for ever hurts too. So good bye Beloved. Peace to you and your new life. And peace to all the memories good and bad that surround this experience.
Good bye to the past and hello to the future.
The funny or not so funny thing is that only people close to you can hurt you. Only people you love can cause you such deep pain. You/I have to allow myself to work through the pain to arrive at the other side. Otherwise it is just covered up and the pain,hurt,anxiety raises its ugly head when ever it choses.
I once loved a man more than I loved myself. I did everything that I could think of to make him happy and to give him a better life. I learned that the only person that I can change is myself. The only person that I can give totally acceptance to is myself. I learned that love is only a gift if its accepted. Last but surely not least I have learned that you have to love yourself before you can accept love or give love to anyone else. Can't give what you don't have right?
I did love you. The slow dieing of our relationship did hurt. And saying good bye for ever hurts too. So good bye Beloved. Peace to you and your new life. And peace to all the memories good and bad that surround this experience.
Good bye to the past and hello to the future.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Closure
So today I get the news that the ex is getting married...and its to the one, well the first one he cheated with. The first mistress always seem to be the worst!
I didn't want him back but you know that wierd feeling in the pit of your stomach? Yep, I got that. I make a promise that I will not drink to night... but tomorrow is Friday ....
I didn't want him back but you know that wierd feeling in the pit of your stomach? Yep, I got that. I make a promise that I will not drink to night... but tomorrow is Friday ....
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Ever Changing: I had a wonderful plan
Ever Changing: I had a wonderful plan: "I have recently started dating after my divorce. I thought it would be pretty interesting and fun. But what I realize is that I do not like ..."
Dating
Originally I wanted to start a blog about dating after my divorce. Well, I have decided that dating is not on my "dash board" right now. There are some many unspoken rules.... I haven't given up on love, as corny as that sounds. But I have decided to not be hyper focused on it.
I have had some good dates, some bad ones, some clinically insane ones and it has been a good experience. What has caused me to take a step back is my current relationship(s). I have had a long distance relationship for a couple of months and at first it was OK... but then all thoughts started to creep into my mind: is he dating other girls, is this serious, what the heck are we doing? I would find myself waiting for him to call and his calls went from every other day to every week ... and less. That made me think about that movie 'He's just not that into you'. If he really wanted to call you he would find the time. People find the time to do what they really want to do. So I decided to let go of that relationship.
I began dating someone locally and it was 'OK' no fireworks just a good guy. Within a few weeks he told me that he loved me and wanted to introduce me to his son. Whoa.... partner. You don't know me that well and I definitely don't know you well enough. He continued to be kinda emotionally passive aggressive. Wanting me to say I love you, wanting me to meet his son and when I declined he told me it was depressing and how he felt hopeless etc. So I decided to end that mess. Know who I did it? I loaned him some money lol! It worked like a charm.
So now I have decided to take a 'man-cation' and I am not dating until I finish my MA and feel emotionally stable to do so. Wish me luck!!
I have had some good dates, some bad ones, some clinically insane ones and it has been a good experience. What has caused me to take a step back is my current relationship(s). I have had a long distance relationship for a couple of months and at first it was OK... but then all thoughts started to creep into my mind: is he dating other girls, is this serious, what the heck are we doing? I would find myself waiting for him to call and his calls went from every other day to every week ... and less. That made me think about that movie 'He's just not that into you'. If he really wanted to call you he would find the time. People find the time to do what they really want to do. So I decided to let go of that relationship.
I began dating someone locally and it was 'OK' no fireworks just a good guy. Within a few weeks he told me that he loved me and wanted to introduce me to his son. Whoa.... partner. You don't know me that well and I definitely don't know you well enough. He continued to be kinda emotionally passive aggressive. Wanting me to say I love you, wanting me to meet his son and when I declined he told me it was depressing and how he felt hopeless etc. So I decided to end that mess. Know who I did it? I loaned him some money lol! It worked like a charm.
So now I have decided to take a 'man-cation' and I am not dating until I finish my MA and feel emotionally stable to do so. Wish me luck!!
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